So, Who Am I Then?
If I’m not being ME?
If I’m not being ME?
Be YOU!
How often have you heard or read that invitation? And how often have you asked yourself: What does that even mean? Be ME? I am already me! Who else can I possibly be?
I would like to tell you a bit of my personal story around this. But first a quick look at the backdrop. On a general basis:
We come to this place called Planet Earth bare naked. In a couple of senses of the phrase. Meaning (I am generalizing here) we have no clue as to how life and living works here. So we turn to our surroundings, i.e. parents, siblings, grandparents, teachers etc. to understand how to navigate this world. How to be and interact.
Up until the age of, say 5 or 6 we have no reference points to anything related to life and living and our brains are wired to buy everything we hear, see and learn from our environment as the TRUTH about how and why to operate here.
Now to my story. I am not quite clear about my age when I first got the awareness of this feeling, but believe it was quite early on:
I could not understand why on earth I had come here. My family…. Well, I simply didn’t understand them. At all. I had vague memories of ease and joy, but that must have been from before I came here. These people, well… I will steal a phrase from a wise man I used to follow a few years back:
I was waiting for my REAL family to come pick me up.
I SO did not fit in. These people could not possibly be my people. They were all so serious, so contracted, so disconnected and obviously discontent. And the DRAMA! The drama was the worst. I simply could not bear it and certainly not take part in it!
Turns out no other family came to pick me up, so as a survival technique and because at my very young age I had no way to communicate what I knew could be different, I chose to do my utmost to fit in.
I became so good at that — fitting in, that I would consider myself a master at it. Validating other peoples opinions and truths about how and what life and living was about.
I lived happily like this for the best part of 40 years. Being the nice person, the good girl, the one never rocking the boat and often saying “yes” when she should have said “no”.
This is not a dramatic story (details could perhaps make it more so, but I won’t go there). So no “buu-huu”. No shame or blame or any of those strange emotions.
It was all good. Untill it wasn’t.
I’m telling you: Being a master at fitting in will necessarily lead to putting YOU on the sideline. That may work well. For many lifetimes actually. But sooner or later…..
What happened when it was no longer all good?
Burnout!
How does that play out? It’s hell when in the midst of it. For me it left me not knowing who or what I was. Sitting in a chair or lying on the bed not even mustering the strength to get up and fetch a glass of water. More or less like a zombie. Pains and aches all over. 24/7. That really is hell when you are used to being a doer. And an effective, productive one at that.
Your body is ususally the first one telling you something needs to change. But I was as good girl remember? So I just kept on keeping on. Untill I could no more. Battery flat.
You see, your body and your soul are quite good at communicating with each other. Your mind on the other hand will “protect” you with all it has to avoid change. Keeping you practical, sensible.
So there I was, my body and soul having confined me to the chair because my soul — the real ME was screaming for attention wanting to take part in my life and living.
So the journey began. The journey back to ME.
How?
By questioning everything. By breaking all the rules not serving me, not contributing to growth, ease and joy. The rules leaving me feeling less than, feeling limited and contracted. Everything I had bought as true which wasn’t. For ME.
Letting all of that go slowly lead me to remember who I BE. On a soul level.
Not easy as I had to reinvent myself completely. Not a quick fix. It is not even a destination. More a journey as I discover even deeper levels of who I BE. It is liberating to say the least. I now get to be master in my own house so to speak.
A journey towards remembering who you BE allows for you to know what and who you are available for. I brings forth the Master in you.
Today I am grateful for my family. The awareness being that I chose this exact family to point out just that which I remembered from where I came from:
That ease and joy should be the norm.
And it is. If we choose it. And live from soul. From who we truly BE. That is where you will find it.
More and more people wake up to all of this and the planet is rapidly moving us ahead. If you watch the news (which I hope you do not) it may seem the opposite is the case.
I am telling you it is not. Not with the number of people, women in particular, waking up and showing up as their true selves.
I have great hopes for humanity and this planet
Question everything. Break the rules. Remember who you are.
Be YOU!
(You would have to speak to me if you want to be part of a group I have set up. A group for women ready to step up making a difference by remembering who they truly BE)